Monday: Weight in #2

I kicked butt this weekend and earned two blue dots for being in the healthy point range on my Weight Watchers app. Sadly, though I weighed my self this morning and I’m only down like 5 pounds from my highest. I know that seems like a big gain from being 13 pounds down but that is weight loss, it goes up and down and the goal is to keep going no matter what the scale says. I think I am up because I ate a 17 point taco yesterday. That was fulled with sodium. Granted I didn’t have much else yesterday to allow for such a dinner.

I am a little discouraged, I liked seeing 13 less pounds. But I know its a journey and that it takes time. So I will kick back with my Diet Coke and press on.

One thing, I have not been taking my measurements. I know I should because my dress pants are fitting a little lose and they were snug. That would be a good way to see some progress even when the scale does not see any. Maybe I will do that today.

I am supremely bored with my food choices. I eat the same 8 things all week. So This week I want to try at least one new recipy that is out of my comfort zone. I was thinking maybe WW Buffalo wrap things. I have never cooked with buffalo stuff and I really like it at restraunts so why not.

I’m finding that healthy food is trial and error in what I like vs. what I don’t like. The result has been me spending more money on food than I usually do. I want to avoid that, but I also don’t wanna be stuck in the same boring foods. That is beaming an balancing act.

Good news, is I still got a blender and I can just throw crap in is and it turns out amazing.  Todays venture will be trying adding Kale to my smoothies. hopefully it makes then a little more filling.

Quick questions, If… and that’s a big if… I was to film a little about my weight loss journey/my life would any of you watch it? Just thinking out loud. Let me know it the comments.




WW Day 7: Refection

A whole week on Weight Watchers. I have drank more Diet Coke this week than any week in my life. It’s been my go to when I want to eat something bad. My favorite thing had been Wendy’s Chili for 4 points. (I get 29 a day) I am officially down 13 pounds from my highest weight of my life. I bought dress pants last Sunday and they were a little snug, then wore then Friday and I was pulling them up. Thats my little #NSV (Non-Scale Victory.)

Although this is hard its been easier the last 2-3 days. I know more about the food I am consuming and how to snack on things that are little to no points. I miss fast food and sugar. I would give a lot of money to be able to have a turkey sandwich on a chunk of french bread. But you know I want to wear a swim suit and not look like a beached whale more. I have wanted to quit almost every day at some point or multiple points. The hardest point of the week was after my cat scratched my face when I had a job interview in the morning and I was anxious about it could not sleep so I got up and ate. BUT, it was veggie straws and fizzy water not Dr. Pepper and Doritos. That night I wanted to badly to just eat and not count my veggie straws but I reminded my self that I I needed too. So I at very least tracked it.

You know when something has been broken so long that you just get use to it being broken? For me this has been my weight. It just seemed like such a huge hurdle to overcome that I decided not to try to overcome it. That changed. That picture of me at Hunter’s graduation was my reality check. I saw myself as the “fat sister” and that lit a fire under my overweight ass. I’m a very determined person. I go to great lengths to accomplish what I want. Sometimes to a fault. Now, I want to be healthy and I’m going to do it no matter the cost in time and effort. I’m worth it. I’m done treating my body like a land fill. More spinach less McNugget.

Got a blender this week. The Nuti-Bullet 600 watt. It’s the coolest thing in my kitchen. I can make 1 point smoothies that are dairy free all day long. They are so filling and yummy. I’ve been debating adding protein powder in my smoothies but I have no idea what I’m doing with them. I just wanna lose weight in the most healthy way. If anyone has any information on protein powder an amazon link would be appreciated.

Thanks for going on this journey with me. Its hard but being fat my whole life is harder.

WW Day 4: Reflection

Well, I stepped on the good old scale today thinking I was up since I am yet to have a blue dot day (day where you only eat your allotted points), and I was down 2lbs. Making my total weight loss 10lbs.

Ive been bad today food wise… I had a midnight snack of canned chicken salad and crackers and some veggie straws and a fizzy water. My cat scratched my face by accident and I had a interview this morning and I was all stressed about that so I ate to feel comfort. Wrong. But on the up side is was not potato chips and a Dr. Pepper.

That 13point mistake sent my day in to a derail. So i’m over by 9 points today. All my weekly points are gone from Saturday and Sunday of not really trying.

I know I shouldn’t expect to be perfect but I really want to be.

I’m obsessed with food, and all I do is eat. Its embarrassing but I’m really struggling to stop. I’m an addictive personality, always have been. I just had no idea that food was my drug of choice. I don’t wanna be a slave to the fuel that keeps me alive. I hate how much time energy and resourced this is taking and I’m not even making the cut point wise.

This is a complete mental battle. Here I thought it was a physical thing.

I am stronger than my brains desire to eat. I am not hungry I am obsessed. It will not taste as good as bikini will feel. Two weeks from now I will be so happy I started now. One year from now I will be happy I started now. This is a lifestyle change not a diet. I am stronger than my addiction to food.

These are the things I have to keep reminding my self.

I’m doing this and I will not give in. It’s just a little harder than I thought, or its a bigger problem than I thought.

Oh well, thats how we win food wars. One bit at a time.

Monday: Weight In #1

So about two weeks ago I was at the doctor for a med refill and they weighed me, my favorite thing… and I was at my all time high. Then I got strep throat and didn’t wanna eat anything, after that I started whole30 and followed that 80% till yesterday when I started weight watchers.

Now, I weighted my self this morning. I bought a working scale yesterday and I’m making Mondays my weight in days. I’m down 8 lbs from that all time high at the doctor two weeks ago.

Up until about three weeks ago I was on a medication that the side affects were weight gain and trouble losing weight. I needed the medication still do, but now we have switched to a similar med that does not have such side effects. I know that med was holding me back because I went from two energy drinks a day to zero, in April and lost no weight.

I know weight it just a number and I know it maters more how I feel and how clothes fit and the energy I have. But, that being said it feels damn good to have some sort of start to this battle.

8 pounds down, a lot to go.

WW Day 1: Reflection

This morning I signed up for weight watchers. Well I actually did it from bed at like 11:30 last night. I get really motivated at bed time. Anyway I added everything I ate yesterday and it was a train wreck. Yesterday was Hunter’s (my little brother) graduation/birthday and we celebrated with a steak dinner and ice cream cake.

I am allotted 31 points a day. I used 84 yesterday. How is that even possible you may ask, well I drank 2 Dr. Peppers and like 5 tbs of A1 sauce and about 20 french fries, thats how. Clearly I need to change.

Today was derailed by my midnight snack of grape juice and a ranch turkey wrap.

So far things have not been great. I eat when Im bored and thats a terrible habit. But I have got to break it.

I wanna change. I don’t want to be fat. I hate how I look. I have stopped wearing makeup cuz I don’t think I look better with make up on. I don’t do my hair because it doesn’t hide that I’m fat either. I’ve just been wearing athletic shorts and t-shirts because thats comfortable and easy. I don’t enjoy wearing cute outfits because it’s so hard to find clothes that are trendy and fit. This is taking away from my life and it stops today. All those cliche says like “It will not taste as good as skinny feels” and “moment on the lips, forever on the hips” they are all true. I am not going to let food control me. Its substance that fuels my life, not happiness or joy or peace. In fact it has the power to destroy those things.

Life is giving me an opportunity to have the time to work on my self and I am taking it. Enough is enough.

Though it was not a great day food wise it was a step in the right direction. I’m not going to expect results today, tomorrow, or even in a week, or month. I’m just going to make better choices. This is a lifestyle change not a diet. My body is a temple not a land fill. It’s time I treated it as such.

If you wanna follow my weight loss journey check out my instagram account especially for it.


My Time

I’m over weight. I have been over wight since about 6th grade. Slowly getting worse and worse with time. Then I went to law school. I gained so much weight my first year of law school. I was alone, lonely, cooking for myself for the first time and it was a disaster. I gained more weight than I care to admit. My excuse was that I was stressed and my weight took the back burner to school and life.

Now, as I enter the work force and no longer have school to worry about I have the opportunity to change this. I need to be a priority and my health needs to be a priority I am too young to be this weight and this unhealthy. I need to take the time to work on my self.

So, today everything changes. I joined Weight Watchers. I figure it’s been tried and tested by many and I actually tired it my self before and lost weight but I didn’t stick with it. This time, I mean business.

I am dedicating my time and effort to this.

Pro’s for Weight Watchers:

  1. Tried and tested by many.
  2. Idiot proof with the app and the ability to scan labels.
  3. Ability to eat anything I want in moderation.
  4. Lots of recipes out there.
  5. Now I’m paying for it its an incentive to try harder.

If you have done weight watchers or are doing weight watchers and have any recipes, tips or tricks please let me know!

Bring. It. On.

Letting a Dream Go

For a long time now, Law School has been my dream, not so much being a lawyer but earning that law degree. I have for a long time felt very strongly in my heart that my purpose was to be someone that helped others in the name of the Lord. That has been the ultimate goal.

Some of you don’t know this but U of I was not my first time to law school. I had already completed the first year at another school in Ohio. After that hellish first round I was academically dismissed for having under a 2.0 GPA. I was destroyed by this. I was left floundering. After trying and hating paralegal school I realized I needed to give law school another chance. The dream still burned in me. So with borrowed strength, I applied and got in to U of I, but I had to redo my first year. I did it. I moved to Moscow ID and found a place it all sort of fell together and I started law school again.

This past year has been hard. Lots of stress, lots of reading and knowing that I was  doing it all a second time hurt but none the less I gave it all I had, and prayed. Lord, if this is your will then some how let me earn the grades I need. I was seeking help from Disability support serviced too, so that helped a bit.

Well, here I stand at the end of that first year without the grades I need to stay. It’s a devastating blow. I have had to accept that not every career is for everyone who wants that career. I need to stop trying to shove a circle in a square. Me being the circle and law school being the square.

Is it because I was not getting proper accommodations, I don’t think so. I think I was doin all I could be doing to get the accommodation I knew I needed. Could there have been something I needed and did not get, of course. But with my disability, Its impossible to test for the differences in my brain as compared to a normal persons. Therefore its kinda impossible to treat those difference, or even accommodate for them.

Now, It should also be noted that I was close and could have appealed the decision to kick me out. But I choose not to. I feel like my time in law school is done. I’m done fighting that battle. I don’t wanna move forward with law school even if I could.

It’s time to let the dream go.

Where does God fit in all this? Well, he fits on the top as he always had. I don’t know his plans. I don’t know why he let me in to law school just to be kicked again. But I have faith that this is all part of his plan. Which is greater than my plans. I still serve the all mighty. I will still find a career that helps people, in the name of the Lord. I just don’t know what that looks like yet.

Is this hard? Of course. It’s hard and uncomfortable and embarrassing but none of that should matter. What matters is I am still standing, still pressing in and still going for it. Whatever it maybe.

IT’s time to move on.

Lord, may your will be done. I choose to serve you.