Not How I Planned

So Sorry for the lack of posts… Law school is hard. Lol

So we had oral arguments last week in Law School. Mine went well, but it’s bascially a Q and A with the judges about your case, more than a speech. I learned that the oral argument will never go the way you planned, and its all about how you go with the flow, and get up from the push downs and stand your ground on the serious things, and handle the surprise of the questions.

Life is a lot like an oral argument. It too never goes as you planned. It’s about living in the moment and handling the things that try to side track you. It’s about falling down and getting back up. It’s about going with the flow and letting go of how you though it “should” be.

So many things in my life are not the way I planned. Everything, literally, everything took longer than I imagined. I thought by 23 I would be a married, 26 be a lawyer, and maybe considering kids, or staring my own practice. That’s not what happened.

Now I’m almost 26, and single. Had one relationship ever, and I was sure it would end in marriage but it didn’t. I’m also only a 1L still in law school and in no way am I ready to care for a child. I’m still not doing a great job taking care of my self. lol

God has been teaching me that it’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to acknowledge a fall and its okay to not be fully recovered the second you get back up. I somewhere got it in my head that you had to get back up immediately and pretend like you never fell at all. Acknowledging the fall and recovering from it is the beauty of it.

I fell down. I’ve fallen down a lot. I had a dean of the school tell me to drop out because the degree I was pursuing was “not something I could do.” It was all I had to tell that man that I refused to go down without a fight. I left his office and cried.

I had a professor sit down with me to review my final exam and he told me my D- grade was “frankly, too kind” because it was really and F exam. This was an exam I had killed my self to study for and killed my self to make it perfect. It was the very best I had to give at the time.

Oh, and while all this was going on I broke up with my boyfriend of 2+ years.

You don’t go though that and not come out with a little bit of a scar on your self esteem, to say the least.

I spent so much of this year discounting myself. I have spend so much time thinking I wasn’t good enough to be here in law school, that I got in by mistake. I spent a lot of time thinking I was no good compared to my class mates, that I was less and that couldn’t be what they were. I spent more time envying them for having what I wanted to badly when all along Ive been doing the same work as them.

It’s time I stopped thinking I’m less and started seeing my self as worthy. Hell, I got in to law school. Not just any law school a good law school. I took the same LSATS, and I wrote a damn good admissions essay. Out of all the applicants they choose me. I was most qualified to be a student. They believed in me. Why shouldn’t I?

I’m going to start thinking I got this, because I am capable. This is not a fluke, this is the facts.

They say when it’s Gods plan it all falls in to place, when it’s not god plan it feels in disarray.

This law school experience, everything fell in to place. I needed to get in to law school and they accepted me. I needed my sister to get in to U of I with me and she got in. We needed an apartment and the perfect one just opened up. I needed money for the first and last months rent on the new apartment and I just happened to get a huge paycheck from work.

It all fell together. I’m seeing it happened but my brain won’t let me see the grace of Jesus’s hand on me. I just see a failure. I need to start seeing whats in front of me and that’s order and blessing from the lord.

I will be a lawyer. I will succeed. I will be the best damn lawyer that Kyra can be. And I will forget the face of defeat and remember the face of grace and ordained steps.

Watch me shine….

Like Oral Arguments, it doesn’t always go as planned and thats okay. God plan is better than anything you planned anyway. Just rest in the peace of his way not your way.

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My First Love

I use to think more than a year was a long relationship. But then I spent 2.5 years in a relationship that ended. I was madly in love with a man I honestly felt like he was the one and I could see my self spending forever with him. He was perfect in my eyes. I had everything I ever wanted, but it was a relationship that was not build on a foundation of the Lord. I had a relationship with the lord but I can’t say I knew what his relationship with the lord was. Sure we went to church together and talked about Jesus and how we would raise our kids in the church but we never prayed together, we never sought after God as a couple.

Our demise was was in the end both our faults but it started when he choose a career over me. That told me where is loyalties were and I could never get over that.

I still pray for him. I pray he finds the love of his life and that he grows in his relationship with the lord.

Im telling you this so you don’t make the mistake I did. Start your relationships with Jesus. Pray together, learn and grow in your faith together. Study the word together. I wish I had, maybe if we had things would have been different but it’s time to move forward.

Move forward in to the arms of Jesus and hopefully to the man the lord has chosen for me.

Getting over my first love is one of the hardest things I have ever done. But we learn and we grow, and we move forward.

Remember Why You Started

Law school was not an easy journey for me. I fact it’s been the hardest thing I have ever done.

When it came time to decide a major in undergrad I choose business, I was 17, I had no idea so I picked business, general enough. Thats what my parents did for a living. It made sense.

When I wasn’t admitted to the business program, I was heart broken. Then God showed me Economics. One meeting with a Econ professor and I switched to Economics where I thrives as a student, I loved what I was doing.

Then came time to take the LSAT and apply to Law school, I took the LSAT, and did okay. Nothing special. So I applied and was rejected from every school I applied to. So I retook the LSAT, and scored a little better, still rejected. I had a high GPA, but a semi low LSAT score. No one wanted me.

I gave up the dream. I didn’t think I could be a lawyer so I choose paralegal and stated my paralegal studies. I hated every second of it. It was this watered down curriculum of law. I didn’t wanna study to be anything but a lawyer.

I remember sitting down with my Dad all defeated and said, I can’t get this lawyer thing out of my head or my heart. He said “then let’s fight for it.”

So I studied for the LSAT and took it again, did a little better. Then I started applying again. I poured my heart in to the application. I figured I would be 100% me and if they didn’t like it then at least I was genuine and gave it all I had.

Then we met with the dean of U of I, 2nd closest Law school to home. He said “go ahead and apply.” I didn’t even apply to GU (the closest school to home. . GU was the reason me and my ex broke up and he had done a year of law school there, and his class was going to be 3L’s this year and I didn’t wanna be known as ####’s ex girlfriend. So U of I was the next best thing.

One month later I was pulling in to work at a car dealer I was working for and I was early so I parked and started checking my email, I scrolled through and saw one from admissions and the first word read “congratulations.”

I about cried. I forwarded the email to my family then called my Mom.

My dream was coming true.

Now I am a 1L on spring break, tired and resting.

I’ve had no motivation to do anything it all just seems to hard. So I was looking through my photos and this one caught my eye.

“Prove them wrong” written on the law school rejection letters.

I got something to prove. I’m going to go for it. I’m going to give it everything I got and some borrowed strength.

Why? Because I couldn’t get this lawyer thing out of my heart or off my mind and that means something.

I started to follow my heart. I will finish knowing I gave it everything I had.

No matter the outcome I will survive and survive to serve the lord.

To everyone that said I can’t.

Actually, I can!

8 Things You Don’t Know About Me

  1. I’m lactose intolerant: I live a 90% dairy free life. I do occasionally eat a little cheese mostly on my pizza, but it does upset my stomach a little bit but my love for pizza makes it worth it. But I avoid dairy in all other ways.
  2. I hated cats till I was 21. I didn’t like them I thought they were stuck up and not fun or cuddly. Then I met my ex-boyfriends cat, he was an amazing cat that was cute and cuddly. So I ended up with two of my own.
  3. I have zero tattoos. Despite my love of piercings I am yet to decide on a tattoo, my problem is I would want to change it and so I can never decide on a single design. I do have 8 ear piercings, 5 one one ear, 3 on the other.
  4. I am the oldest of three kids. I have a 22 year old sister (my roommate) and a 18 year old brother who lives with my parents in Spokane.
  5. I have never read Harry Potter all the way through. I know I know as much as I love it I have not finished the books. It’s because o saw the movies first. Big mistake,
  6. I do not have tonsils. I had them removed at age 5, after countless strep throats and ear infections.
  7. My favorite movie of all time is Shawshank Redemption. I just love the fact that Andy breaks out and keeps it a secret the whole movie.
  8. I drink an energy drink almost everyday. Sometimes two a day. Love them. Love the caffeine.

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My Favorite Outfits: Winter Edit

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Clothes and fashion is something that I really enjoy. However, I am still an Aspie (Person with Aspergers syndrome) so comfort comes before style always.

In editing the pictures for this post, i realized that I buy most go my favorite items from Old Navy, Target, Victoria Secret and Walmart… I don’t know what that says about me but its funny non the less.

I’m going to let the pictures speak for themselves in this post. So with out further introduction.

Outfit #1: Of all the outfits posted this one is my favorite. I feel cute in it and it’s super comfortable. Just make sure you don’t shut the car door on your sweater and get a big black mark on it… just… because… someone might do that. I know stripes are not the most flattering on me but I like them and they make me happy and thats the important thing here. Also this sweater is like wearing g cape so it’s a superhero outfit. Just saying.

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Outfit #2: This is a more dress up outfit for me but still something I would we are to school. Super comfy, your wearing leggings so you don’t have to worry about having to shave your legs and you still get to wear a dress. Plus the color of the dress is one of my favorites, EVER!

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Outfit #3: I am obsessed with long sweaters and this is no exception. It’s super soft and stretchy and covers everything without being too hot. The t-shirt I got for $3 on clearance. Its a odd texture for me but I like the look. Also, I believe Tom’s go with everything.

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Outfit #4: This is what I end up wearing 90% of the time. A long sleeve tee thats super light and leggings. I hate real pants and wear them rarely. Ps: I know I’m fat and I shouldn’t wear tight clothing but I love this shirt too much to care. I have the exact tee in 7 colors… all from Victoria Secret, Sadly they stopped making them so I can’t even buy more and I’m still bitter about this fact.

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Outfit #5: I love this sweater it looks like you tried on the outfit when you just threw it on. It is super soft inside and light enough to be worn all day without getting too hot. I have gotten several complements on it as well.

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Outfit #6: This is such an easy outfit, I actually own the same shirt in 3 colors total. They did shrink a little in length when I washed them on cold and hung them up… ya. But still so easy so comfy and so cute. Also the sippers I got on sale for $10, I should have bought two pairs I’m wearing them out too fast.

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Outfit #7: I admit this is a newer dress and I am yet to wear it out since it’s been snowing here but I am so excited to wear it. Also its was a measly 10$ on the Wish App. I bought it to see if the app was worth wile or not and turns out it’s not that bad!

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Extras:

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My winter shoes, I have more shoes that are suitable for winter but these are the favorites.
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I told you I had that shirt in several colors. 8 colors to be exact.

What are you favorite things to wear? Do you dress up for work or school? What do you wear when you can wear whatever you like?

Let me know in the comments!

Thanks,

Kyra