I never know how to start a blog post. Especially one I don’t really want to talk about. Oh well, we are just gonna dive in…
You all saw this post called “Law School: God is Still my God.” Maybe not my law school (U of I) readers. Go back and read it if you haven’t, It’s posted at the end of this post.
When I left off with the original post I was working full-time at CarMax, and going to school Part-Time studying Paralegal studies at Spokane community college. I hated every minute of paralegal studies. It was such a gloss over after being in law school that I was bored silly. So, I terminated that plan after one quarter.
Mean while, I pursued another plan. In my heart I still wanted that good old, JD. So I applied to University of Idaho, and was accepted. I started August 2017.
June 2018, I was academically dismissed for not meeting the 2.0 GPA standard at U of I. This sucked. I was more prepared for fit this time. But more than anything I was done fighting that battle. I was so close I could have appealed and had a high likelihood of getting back in, but I didn’t even want to go back. I choose not to appeal the decision at all.
Law School is hard. There was a disconnect between the information thrown at me and my perception of it and ability to spit it back out. I was not retaining enough no matter how hard I tried. Though a part of me will always think maybe I could have tried harder, even though that was the best I had given the circumstances, I will always think since it wasn’t good enough that I wasn’t good enough. But thats a battle I have to overcome internally.
Out of necessity I got a job immediately working in Pullman as a receptionist.
After some time of feeling unfulfilled. I started looking in to other degrees that might scratch the itch I had to have a higher degree. MBA, sort fell in my lap while I was looking. The Capella University Flex-path plan was sorta irrefutable to the unconventional learner. I was accepted as soon as I applied.
I’m about a week in, and I already turned in an assignment and received it back. I got a 91/100. I was in shock. After years. YEARS, of C’s and D’s and F’s, it feels fantastic to understand and be able to communicate that understanding.
I think MBA programs are easier than Law School. I think eating ground cement is easier than Law School.
Does my heart hurt? Yes. I wanted to overcome the beast that is the JD. But I can’t I have to live with that and accept that and move on with my life. There is no sense in trying and failing over and over again. If your too short for the NBA, quit trying and try something you can be successful at. The world needs your success at something no matter what it may be.
At the end of the day. My goal is helping people. I wanna earn money and give it away. I wanna feed the hungry, house the homeless, love on the people who feel unloved, and unlovable.
However I accomplish that goal, that need, will be satisfied.
Where does God fit?
Right at the center of everything where he reigns. God has a plan for me. I have to dig to find the gold. I have to work to earn the medal. I have to sacrifice to succeed. I know he has a plan and somehow failing out of law school, twice is part of that. Do I understand it all? No. I wish I did. But I’m not called to understand. I am called to follow the path of the lord.
It’s been hard. I’ve been angry, and confused. When I couldn’t find the words to pray, I just find the words to praise. I can always sing a song of praise and feel close to the lord, I can’t always find words to say.
Lord, I write it in my journal every night, and I live by the belief that “Where you lead, I will follow.” Lord, guide me. I give you me, use me to serve your purpose, to love your people. Whether that’s with a JD or not, I’m here. I may not understand. I may not like it, it may be hard. But I still believe your path is greater than anything I can come up with.
Your Adoring Daughter, Kyra
Well, I think it’s time. Time I talked about what happened with law school. So Rewind to the beginning and hang on to your seats.
The Dream Begins:
About 2010: I was a sophomore (I think) in college and about 17-18 years old. I was taking a class called Business Law. It was a required class to be a business major. Which at the time was what I wanted. We began the class and after 50 min of class I knew in my heart what I really wanted was to be a lawyer. You know when you just feel something so strong that you can’t deny it, no matter how crazy it may seem? Thats how I felt. It’s like falling in love that moment when you look at someone and just realize that with your whole heart you would do anything for them? Thats how I felt about being a lawyer.
First Bump In The Road:
At the end of your junior year you apply to be admitted to the business program and once your admitted you can take the remaining classes to graduate. I applied and I was rejected. You needed like a 3.5 GPA and I had a solid 3.49 GPA, something like that. Basically I was heart broken. In the coming days after I was rejected I was trying to decide what to do when my Dad took Allie to a Running Start orientation at EWU. This is where he met a person that would come to change my life. He met a economics professor and some how they started talking about me and my situation and she said to my Dad “have her come see me.” So, desperate for an answer, a way to move forward toward my dream I went and met her at her office. I walked out of her office an Economics major. See you didn’t have to be in the business program to be an economics major so I was set. Now I didn’t just choose economics because it was a way to graduate. I really did liked the economics classes I had taken but to me I thought I had to be a business major to go to law school. I had no idea you could be anything you wanted. I tell most people that ask why I choose economics the same things. I choose economics for two reasons. One is this, everything I love about business is called economics. The second reason was that professor. She was so fun and energetic and determined and educated and I saw in her the determination that was in my heart and I don’t know what it was but she put my worried heart at ease. She also supported my dream to be a lawyer. Witch most people laughed at me for.
Applying to Law School:
So my senior year of college I took the LSAT’s and applied to law school at every law school in the tristate area. The one I really wanted was Gonzaga University that was 15 min away from my parents house. I was rejected from every single law school I applied to, well or waitlisted. So I waited a year and re-applied, during this time I stayed in undergrad working towards a double major in Government (it was the closest thing to pre-law at EWU). Along comes the next year, and with that came more rejections. This happened for another year as well. So deciding I could not go to school anymore I stopped going and got a job at Joann Fabrics. I was so broken, mentally and emotionally. I was dating my ex-boyfriend at the time and he had just decided he wanted to go to law school too so he was now applying and so I decided to retake the LSATs and apply one last time. I applied everywhere this time. Then slowly the rejections came in. I was easily hurt by this and so I remember I was laying in bed very upset when I decided to check my email. In my email there was a subject that read “High GPA, Low LSAT Score?” This intrigued me, because that described my situation to a T. In the email was a letter explaining that I was invited to attend a summer starter program at a law school in Ohio. I immediately walked in to talk to my parents. I remember we where sitting and talking and both me and my Mom were against interviewing for the spot at the school. Yet, my Dad seemed to think this was a good idea. So we spend the $1000 on plane tickets and me and my Mom flew to Ohio.
Should be noted that at this time. My Ex, got accepted to Gonzaga law, to which I was rejected. He also got in to ONU. He choose GU. I cho
Summer Starter Program:
Well I was accepted to the summer starter program at Ohio Northern University. It started on May 25th 2015. I was so excited that I didn’t even care that I was alone across the country knowing absolutely no one. Eventually, I made friends and got Lulu and pushed threw the program. It was the hardest thing I think I have ever done. It was so much studying and constant reading and taking notes and no matter what I did I never felt caught up and I never felt like I was getting it. So I pulled some moderately okay grades and came home for the month of August. I remember I really didn’t want to go back, I was so lonely and depressed there alone and I was struggling in school and it was just the beginning so of a terrible situation.
First Year Fall Semester:
Well, for some reason I went back and did the best I could. I continued to struggle and fall behind. I was doing everything I could to get help. But none of it worked. I hated being away from my family and was struggling living alone and the long distance from my boyfriend was not helping at all. IT was the beginning of the hardest time in my life.
After first semester i went home for thanksgiving and told my parents i wasn’t going back. Some how they talked my in to going back. I remember texting my boyfriend the night before I had to go back saying I didn’t wanna go. Some how I got on that plane and went back and took my finals and then came home for Christmas.
After Christmas I was called in to the deans office where he essentially told me there was no chance of me staying in law school (that I was going to be academically dismissed if i didn’t bring my grades up) he told me i shod drop out and go home. That I was wasting my money staying. It was everything I could do to not cry in his office. I was heart broken. But some how I had the strength to tell him that I was staying and not going down without a fight.
First Year Spring Semester:
So I stayed. I fought the good fight. I was battling depression from not doing well and continued to live in what I can only describe as pure hell. Constant stress and frustration and working my ass off under those conditions. My relationship was also on the decline. April came and we broke up. Then June 5th 2016 came, grades were released and I had not made the cut. I received and email saying I was academically dismissed. My dreams where crumbling, my life was in shambles, I was depressed, and alone to deal with it all.
It took 21days for me to gather the funds for a 700$ plane ticket home and 250$ for 5 suitcases to come with me. Everything I owned was jammed in to 5 suit cases and a back pack. I sold everything else at a two day garage sale.
So, sunburnt, exhausted and completely broke. I flew home on my 24th birthday, with my fur babies. I was met at the airport in Spokane by my parents who took my tired self to Allie’s apartment where I was going to be living. Couldn’t move in with my parents because my Dad is allergic to cats and I have 2. Also at 24 years old i felt it was more age appropriate to be living with my sister.
I immediately started looking for a job. I was lost and confused and heart broken. But I needed money I was not about to let my parents support me.
6 Months Later…
It was the relief of a life time to come home. I was instantly happier despite everything. Atlas I had my family by mysids. My Ohana.
So, still no job. Still no dream my Mom looked in to the paralegal program at SCC. She texted me and said to look at it. I dragged my feet on looking in to it but I finally made an appointment with a councilor at SCC.
Meeting The Changed Everything:
Me and my Dad sat down for a meeting with a councilor at SCC. After 5 min she informed me that in WA state a paralegal can sit for the Bar and become a lawyer.
I got in the car with my Dad after the meeting and told him that “It’s not over yet.” My dream was still on, there was another way. God still had a plan for me to become what was in my heart.
I start the paralegal program at SCC spring quarter, April 3rd, 2017. In the mean time I got a job as a part-time business office associate at CarMax. I plan to keep the job through school and take credits slowly so I get them right and don’t have to retake anything. I love my job. I love the people and I love that it doesn’t feel like a used car dealer it feels like a upright and honest business. I can’t wait to start school I registered for all my classes and I am so excited to take them. I am excited to attend lectures and take notes and do assignments and get grades and all that. I’m a huge nerd I know.
Overall, this has been the hardest battle I have ever fought, but I will not be taken down. I will not be overcome. I will be a lawyer and I will achieve my dreams. Thought things did not go my way and though things where way off from what I wanted God is still my God.