All The Wrong Reasons

Hey guys!
So I wanted to fill you in on a small part of my life recently.
As you know from my post about my YouTube obsession I regularly watch the Shaytards. I love them to death. I feel like they are my family in a weird way. Anyways, Shay was over weight a wile back and started loosing weight. He lost 100lbs. Now he is healthy and has another channel on YouTube called Shayloss where he talks about fitness and being healthy.
For the month of October on the Shayloss channel Shay and his friend are doing Shaytober. How you celebrate shaytober is simple, make some fitness, life, goals and work on them during that month. He invited his audience to join him and together though social networking we could encourage each other.
I don’t regularly watch Shayloss, but he talked about it on the Shaytards channel and I dragged my feet about it but decided, that I needed to participate.
So October first began Shaytober. My shaytober goals are as follows.

  1. No Pop! 
    1. I wanted to kick my dirty habit and not be so reliant on the caffeine through out the day
  2. Work out 5 days a week!
    1. I like working out and I enjoy being sore the next day, it gives me a sense of accomplishment and like I know I really worked hard. I also enjoy pusing my self to the brink of my limits. I always think to my self I can to one more, then do it and go I can to another one. 
  3. Be able to sprint for 10 minuets. 
    1. I suck at running. I hate running it hurts my knees I’m not good at balancing, I can hardly run in a straight line, I wanted to be able to do this. 
  4. Run a 12min mile.
    1. I hated the mile in PE, I would walk it every time because I was always so mad when the PE teachers gave me dirty looks when my run was slow. I had not run a mile in years and I  wanted to break that old stronghold of I can’t run a mile. Today I broke my mile record I fast jogged a 11min 18 second mile. It was a stretch for me stil but it’s progress. 
  5. Post a blog post once a week (I know I know, my bad)
    1. I love writing. It helps me center and refocus my thoughts. Blogging also is a way for me to express me self and eve if it’s a little scary that I may be judged I still want to be me and force my self to stay true to that, a blog is my way to do that. 
  6. Journal 3 days a week. 
    1. I hold nothing back when I journal. I lay it all out, every though as I think of it, all the emotions I feel everything that is on my mind I spill it out. I have kept a journal for 3 years, and how I journal is lie this it s basically like my letters to God/my journal just explaining everything I am feeling. I am one to not express my emotions so I make my self express them there, no matter if it’s wrong or right I let my self have that time to express it everything, then when I feel satisfied that I have purged my emotions I relax, and think of my end goals and how I can achieve them and remember whats important. For my it’s important to end with a knowledge of what is right and wrong. Even if I it means that I yell at God the whole entry then finally in the last two lines say, I know I’m wrong, forgive me and help me to get through this. None the less, journaling is important to me. I need it. 

Okay, so goal of this post was I wanted to explain to you why I want to work out. I know that the reasons I should work out are but honestly those have nothing to do with why I work out.
I work out because I HATE being fat. I have thought I was fat/been fat since I was in the 4th grade. I can think of countless times where I could find nothing to wear to school and just cried because I didn’t feel like I could look pretty. Now, don’t tell me that ‘Oh just being confident makes you pretty’ or any of that crap not that, that isn’t true confidence does make a girl (or boy) prettier in my opinion. But to me in my eyes. I want to look in the mirror and feel pretty. I wanna wear the pretty clothes and have them fit and not have muffin top, or back fat, or anything, I don’t want to put another cute piece of clothing back because it was too small. I want to wear a damn bikini and not worry about how I look. I love swimming and I can’t tell you the number of times I have said to no to the things I loved because I don’t feel comfortable. Honestly, its not so much that I give a crap about what people think its more that I would feel uncomfortable wearing that.
Also, not this is touchy, but I want to look good for my future husband. I get criticized for what I am about to say but you can’t change my mind here so just leave it. I want to be a healthy weight because I feel like I can never date (Court, I don’t believe in dating), get married if I am fat. How could I expect my future husband to be fit when I am not fit my self? Hippocratic if you ask me.
I saw this picture on Insta and it pissed me off…

If size does not matter then why is this picture not of two fat people? Why is this picture only a fat girl and a skinny guy? Why is the girl never the skinny one?
Now I’m not saying that loving a fat person is wrong. If you fall in love go with that no matter who he or she is and regardless of what they look like.
What I am saying is this if your shopping for a fararri, don’t pull up to the dealership in your 93′ dodge caravan with pealing paint. I think that if you want someone who looks their very best, you better look your very best.
Also, its  selfish to not take care of yourself when someone else cares for you. How would you feel if it was reversed do you want to watch your loved one eat them selves to an early grave, or diabetes, or high blood pressure?
That is my motivation in weight loss. I want to look my very best so that I can go fararri shopping.
I hope I am explaining this right if It comes off like I am telling you who to love, in anyway then I’m saying it wrong so relax. Also, not saying that looks are the only thing that are important , but there does need to be attraction for me personally.

I know that my motivation comes from all the wrong reason. I should be dieting and working out to be heathy and ya there is some of that there. But my really motivations is to go fararri shopping and to be able to wear shorts again, and go swimming in a bikini, and wear the pretty clothes, and have a butt like the girls on tumblr that wear short shorts.

All in all, find what works for you, what motivates you, and put in the effort to achieve that goal the right way. No crash diets or crazy work outs, those methods may for a little bit but long term, the weight always comes back.
Take the time, put in the effort. You deserve it. That yellow polkadot bikini and those shorts are waiting.

Thanks for reading.
Feel free to comment on yout thoughts.

Love you!
Kyra

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