Law School: God is Still My God, PART II

I never know how to start a blog post. Especially one I don’t really want to talk about. Oh well, we are just gonna dive in…

You all saw this post called “Law School: God is Still my God.” Maybe not my law school (U of I) readers.  Go back and read it if you haven’t, It’s posted at the end of this post.

When I left off with the original post I was working full-time at CarMax, and going to school Part-Time studying Paralegal studies at Spokane community college. I hated every minute of paralegal studies. It was such a gloss over after being in law school that I was bored silly. So, I terminated that plan after one quarter.

Mean while, I pursued another plan. In my heart I still wanted that good old, JD. So I applied to University of Idaho, and was accepted. I started August 2017.

June 2018, I was academically dismissed for not meeting the 2.0 GPA standard at U of I. This sucked. I was more prepared for fit this time. But more than anything I was done fighting that battle. I was so close I could have appealed and had a high likelihood of getting back in, but I didn’t even want to go back. I choose not to appeal the decision at all.

Law School is hard. There was a disconnect between the information thrown at me and my perception of it and ability to spit it back out. I was not retaining enough no matter how hard I tried. Though a part of me will always think maybe I could have tried harder, even though that was the best I had given the circumstances, I will always think since it wasn’t good enough that I wasn’t good enough. But thats a battle I have to overcome internally.

Out of necessity I got a job immediately working in Pullman as a receptionist.

After some time of feeling unfulfilled. I started looking in to other degrees that might scratch the itch I had to have a higher degree. MBA, sort fell in my lap while I was looking. The Capella University Flex-path plan was sorta irrefutable to the unconventional learner. I was accepted as soon as I applied.

I’m about a week in, and I already turned in an assignment and received it back. I got a 91/100. I was in shock. After years. YEARS, of C’s and D’s and F’s, it feels fantastic to understand and be able to communicate that understanding.

I think MBA programs are easier than Law School. I think eating ground cement is easier than Law School.

Does my heart hurt? Yes. I wanted to overcome the beast that is the JD. But I can’t I have to live with that and accept that and move on with my life. There is no sense in trying and failing over and over again. If your too short for the NBA, quit trying and try something you can be successful at. The world needs your success at something no matter what it may be.

At the end of the day. My goal is helping people. I wanna earn money and give it away. I wanna feed the hungry, house the homeless, love on the people who feel unloved, and unlovable.

However I accomplish that goal, that need, will be satisfied.

Where does God fit?

Right at the center of everything where he reigns. God has a plan for me. I have to dig to find the gold. I have to work to earn the medal. I have to sacrifice to succeed. I know he has a plan and somehow failing out of law school, twice is part of that. Do I understand it all? No. I wish I did. But I’m not called to understand. I am called to follow the path of the lord.

It’s been hard. I’ve been angry, and confused. When I couldn’t find the words to pray, I just find the words to praise. I can always sing a song of praise and feel close to the lord, I can’t always find words to say.

Lord, I write it in my journal every night, and I live by the belief that “Where you lead, I will follow.” Lord, guide me. I give you me, use me to serve your purpose, to love your people. Whether that’s with a JD or not, I’m here. I may not understand. I may not like it, it may be hard. But I still believe your path is greater than anything I can come up with.

With Love,

Your Adoring Daughter, Kyra


Original Post:

Well, I think it’s time. Time I talked about what happened with law school. So Rewind to the beginning and hang on to your seats.

The Dream Begins:
About 2010: I was a sophomore (I think) in college and about 17-18 years old. I was taking a class called Business Law. It was a required class to be a business major. Which at the time was what I wanted. We began the class and after 50 min of class I knew in my heart what I really wanted was to be a lawyer. You know when you just feel something so strong that you can’t deny it, no matter how crazy it may seem? Thats how I felt. It’s like falling in love that moment when you look at someone and just realize that with your whole heart you would do anything for them? Thats how I felt about being a lawyer.

First Bump In The Road:
At the end of your junior year you apply to be admitted to the business program and once your admitted you can take the remaining classes to graduate. I applied and I was rejected. You needed like a 3.5 GPA and I had a solid 3.49 GPA, something like that. Basically I was heart broken. In the coming days after I was rejected I was trying to decide what to do when my Dad took Allie to a Running Start orientation at EWU. This is where he met a person that would come to change my life. He met a economics professor and some how they started talking about me and my situation and she said to my Dad “have her come see me.” So, desperate for an answer, a way to move forward toward my dream I went and met her at her office. I walked out of her office an Economics major. See you didn’t have to be in the business program to be an economics major so I was set. Now I didn’t just choose economics because it was a way to graduate. I really did liked the economics classes I had taken but to me I thought I had to be a business major to go to law school. I had no idea you could be anything you wanted. I tell most people that ask why I choose economics the same things. I choose economics for two reasons. One is this, everything I love about business is called economics. The second reason was that professor. She was so fun and energetic and determined and educated and I saw in her the determination that was in my heart and I don’t know what it was but she put my worried heart at ease. She also supported my dream to be a lawyer. Witch most people laughed at me for.

Applying to Law School:
So my senior year of college I took the LSAT’s and applied to law school at every law school in the tristate area. The one I really wanted was Gonzaga University that was 15 min away from my parents house. I was rejected from every single law school I applied to, well or waitlisted. So I waited a year and re-applied, during this time I stayed in undergrad working towards a double major in Government (it was the closest thing to pre-law at EWU). Along comes the next year, and with that came more rejections. This happened for another year as well. So deciding I could not go to school anymore I stopped going and got a job at Joann Fabrics. I was so broken, mentally and emotionally. I was dating my ex-boyfriend at the time and he had just decided he wanted to go to law school too so he was now applying and so I decided to retake the LSATs and apply one last time. I applied everywhere this time. Then slowly the rejections came in. I was easily hurt by this and so I remember I was laying in bed very upset when I decided to check my email. In my email there was a subject that read “High GPA, Low LSAT Score?” This intrigued me, because that described my situation to a T. In the email was a letter explaining that I was invited to attend a summer starter program at a law school in Ohio. I immediately walked in to talk to my parents. I remember we where sitting and talking and both me and my Mom were against interviewing for the spot at the school. Yet, my Dad seemed to think this was a good idea. So we spend the $1000 on plane tickets and me and my Mom flew to Ohio.

Should be noted that at this time. My Ex, got accepted to Gonzaga law, to which I was rejected. He also got in to ONU. He choose GU. I cho

Summer Starter Program:
Well I was accepted to the summer starter program at Ohio Northern University. It started on May 25th 2015. I was so excited that I didn’t even care that I was alone across the country knowing absolutely no one. Eventually, I made friends and got Lulu and pushed threw the program. It was the hardest thing I think I have ever done. It was so much studying and constant reading and taking notes and no matter what I did I never felt caught up and I never felt like I was getting it. So I pulled some moderately okay grades and came home for the month of August. I remember I really didn’t want to go back, I was so lonely and depressed there alone and I was struggling in school and it was just the beginning so of a terrible situation.

First Year Fall Semester:
Well, for some reason I went back and did the best I could. I continued to struggle and fall behind. I was doing everything I could to get help. But none of it worked. I hated being away from my family and was struggling living alone and the long distance from my boyfriend was not helping at all. IT was the beginning of the hardest time in my life.
After first semester i went home for thanksgiving and told my parents i wasn’t going back. Some how they talked my in to going back. I remember texting my boyfriend the night before I had to go back saying I didn’t wanna go. Some how I got on that plane and went back and took my finals and then came home for Christmas.
After Christmas I was called in to the deans office where he essentially told me there was no chance of me staying in law school (that I was going to be academically dismissed if i didn’t bring my grades up) he told me i shod drop out and go home. That I was wasting my money staying. It was everything  I could do to not cry in his office. I was heart broken. But some how I had the strength to tell him that I was staying and not going down without a fight.

First Year Spring Semester:
So I stayed. I fought the good fight. I was battling depression from not doing well and continued to live in what I can only describe as pure hell. Constant stress and frustration and working my ass off under those conditions. My relationship was also on the decline. April came and we broke up. Then June 5th 2016 came, grades were released and I had not made the cut. I received and email saying I was academically dismissed. My dreams where crumbling, my life was in shambles, I was depressed, and alone to deal with it all.

Moving Home:
It took 21days for me to gather the funds for a 700$ plane ticket home and 250$ for 5 suitcases to come with me. Everything I owned was jammed in to 5 suit cases and a back pack. I sold everything else at a two day garage sale.
So, sunburnt, exhausted and completely broke. I flew home on my 24th birthday, with my fur babies. I was met at the airport in Spokane by my parents who took my tired self to Allie’s apartment where I was going to be living. Couldn’t move in with my parents because my Dad is allergic to cats and I have 2. Also at 24 years old i felt it was more age appropriate to be living with my sister.
I immediately started looking for a job. I was lost and confused and heart broken. But I needed money I was not about to let my parents support me.

6 Months Later…
It was the relief of a life time to come home. I was instantly happier despite everything. Atlas I had my family by mysids. My Ohana.
So, still no job. Still no dream my Mom looked in to the paralegal program at SCC. She texted me and said to look at it. I dragged my feet on looking in to it but I finally made an appointment with a councilor at SCC.

Meeting The Changed Everything:
Me and my Dad sat down for a meeting with a councilor at SCC. After 5 min she informed me that in WA state a paralegal can sit for the Bar and become a lawyer.
I got in the car with my Dad after the meeting and told him that “It’s not over yet.” My dream was still on, there was another way. God still had a plan for me to become what was in my heart.

I start the paralegal program at SCC spring quarter, April 3rd, 2017. In the mean time I got a job as a part-time business office associate at CarMax. I plan to keep the job through school and take credits slowly so I get them right and don’t have to retake anything. I love my job. I love the people and I love that it doesn’t feel like a used car dealer it feels like a upright and honest business. I can’t wait to start school I registered for all my classes and I am so excited to take them. I am excited to attend lectures and take notes and do assignments and get grades and all that. I’m a huge nerd I know.

Overall, this has been the hardest battle I have ever fought, but I will not be taken down. I will not be overcome. I will be a lawyer and I will achieve my dreams. Thought things did not go my way and though things where way off from what I wanted God is still my God.


I dont like the term New Years Resolutions. I don’t like that people start them and then quit 5 days in. So I wanna do something a little different. I wanna set new years goals. Because goals get accomplished resolutions just get tossed aside once they get hard. Also with goals, you have to make mini goals to achieve the big goals.

My goals:
Below is a list of my 2017 Goals. I want to talk about each, and since it’s my blog, I get to. Lol

The first few are weight loss related. I have wanted to lose weight basically since the 7th grade. I really gained a lot in law school as a result of stress eating and eating poorly since I was first time on my own and all that. So I wanna lose that weight first. Since moving in with my sister, I have lost about 15 lbs but the holidays I gained about 5 of that back so new year and we are going to lose 75 lbs. Yes, 75 lbs. I know that is a lot of weight. And no that won’t even put me at my goal weight. But it will put me a lot closer to where I need to be to be healthy. So the reasoning behind the dates. 40 lbs by June 30th, see we have a family reunion this summer and I wanna wear a swimming suit and not feel like a beached whale. Therefore the 40 lbs by then. The reason for the 35 lbs for the rest of the year is to allow some sort of a break from the rigor of the 40 lbs the first part of the year.
I have some loose plans for rewards at each goal. I was thinking After 10lbs in February, I would buy myself some new jeans or a new bra, which ever is most ill fitting after the 10lbs lost. Not sure what I am going to do for the 20 lbs in march maybe treat my self to some new running shoes or something like that. But the goal I am really excited for is the 40 lbs. I wanna see how I look there but after 40 lbs I am thinking I will buy myself a new swimming suit AND pierce my belly button. I love the look of the belly button piercing in a swimming suit I just have always thought that there was no way that was for me since… I’m fat and have stretch marks. Yes, lovely stretch marks from being fat. The joy that they are to all. Permanent reminders of my lack of self control and poor eating habits. Anyway, if at 40 lbs lighter things are looking significantly different then I will go for it. Sorry Mom. I still plan to go for it even if i still have to buy a one piece swimming suit too. Lol I know it defeats the purpose but sometimes its important to do things for yourself and not for anyone else and I want the piercing damn it so when i reach my goal i’m doing it. Obviously, the water intake and the slight cut down on pop are mini steps to the weight loss.
The other goals, the bible reading and the journaling are also self improvement goals. I want to grow my heart closer to the lord and at the same time become more educated in the word it self. I’m not attending a church right now and i think it’s important that I get weekly, even daily, exposure to the word. I also like the idea of going to the source for my information on the word. Not some pastors interpretation but my own interpretation, if that makes sense. Not so say I have anything against church or pastors. I support a few churches and follow them online, and love and support a few pastors and think they have very valid beautiful insightful interpretations of the word and those interpretioans needs to be heard. What I am trying to say is that everyone needs to go to the source themselves and let God speak to you personally though your personal interpretations of the word, IN ADDITION to the intrpeations from pastors and churches. Below is the way I have chosen to read the bible this year. I choose this method for two reasons, one it allows you to miss a day or two with out falling behind and then worrying about catching up. And two it really lets the word sink in. I have been doing this so far every day this year and every time i read it I get something new out of it. I choose the new testament because well, I don’t have a reason. I just figured why it was a good place to start and its where my Dad started when he started this reading plan and I liked the idea of conversing with him on it so I guess thats why I started where I did.
Let me know your new years goals. How do you wanna go about improving yourselves? Whats important to you this year?
Happy New Year, and may your year be filled with good things and the love of Jesus.

Law School: Daily Backpack Contents

 The picture below is of all the things I carry in my backpack on a daily basis.

  • Backpack. It’s a North Face Recon in all black, mostly to hide the dirt. 
  • Water Bottle. I like the squeezable Britta filter bottle. 
  • 1in Binders for each class. Yes, I bring all of them so I can work on other classes in-between the classes I have that day. 
  • Planner ( I use the Bullet Journal, modified edition)
  • Laptop. I love my Macbook pro. She is my baby. 
  • Wallet. Mostly cuz it has my student ID in it. 
  • Lotion
  • Pill Case
  • Phone charger and adapters
  • Kleenex
  • Inhaler
  • Headphones
  • Chapstick
  • Advil
  • Hand Sanitizer
  • Pencil Pouch
  • Keys

Law School: Organizational System

School organization is an art form. I am not an artist, okay maybe a little. At very least I am very interested in the art. So because I can never find what I am looking for on Pinterest I am simply going to make my own post about how I organize my school stuff.

Binders For Each class:
I have a binder for each class and each binder has tabs in it. There will be pictures below. The tabs are in this order.

  1. Loose Leaf paper for notes
  2. Class notes in order by date
    1. For note taking I take notes on loose leave college ruled reenforced holes paper. I put the date class and what the page is (class notes) as my heading then highlight big topics and case names then bullet information beneath the big headings/cases.
  3. My syllabus for the class
    1. I cross off dates as the pass and highlight due dates.
  4. Case briefs
    1. I print a brief for every case I read. The brief is usually a combo of my notes and a commercial brief.
  5. Handouts
I like having a binder for each class. I would love to have ti all in one binder but no such binder is big enough, since it won’t all fit in a 2 inch and a 3 inch does not fit in a backpack with textbooks.
I think a planner is a detrimental part of school organization. I would die if my planner disappeared. It keeps all my classes assignments and due dates, appointments and dates. Also it keeps my outlining schedules for each class as well as weekly todo lists. Planners are amazing.
To do List:
I do a color coded weekly todo list. Mine looks like this… the colors tell me what class it is the dat tells me the due date and the assignment tells me what to read.
This is a weekly spread for my planner.
This is my weekly todo list, I have it taped in my planner.
This is all my books and binders for my classes this semester. Well, Minus one book I forgot
This is my notes section for my Criminal Procedure class.

All The Wrong Reasons

Hey guys!
So I wanted to fill you in on a small part of my life recently.
As you know from my post about my YouTube obsession I regularly watch the Shaytards. I love them to death. I feel like they are my family in a weird way. Anyways, Shay was over weight a wile back and started loosing weight. He lost 100lbs. Now he is healthy and has another channel on YouTube called Shayloss where he talks about fitness and being healthy.
For the month of October on the Shayloss channel Shay and his friend are doing Shaytober. How you celebrate shaytober is simple, make some fitness, life, goals and work on them during that month. He invited his audience to join him and together though social networking we could encourage each other.
I don’t regularly watch Shayloss, but he talked about it on the Shaytards channel and I dragged my feet about it but decided, that I needed to participate.
So October first began Shaytober. My shaytober goals are as follows.

  1. No Pop! 
    1. I wanted to kick my dirty habit and not be so reliant on the caffeine through out the day
  2. Work out 5 days a week!
    1. I like working out and I enjoy being sore the next day, it gives me a sense of accomplishment and like I know I really worked hard. I also enjoy pusing my self to the brink of my limits. I always think to my self I can to one more, then do it and go I can to another one. 
  3. Be able to sprint for 10 minuets. 
    1. I suck at running. I hate running it hurts my knees I’m not good at balancing, I can hardly run in a straight line, I wanted to be able to do this. 
  4. Run a 12min mile.
    1. I hated the mile in PE, I would walk it every time because I was always so mad when the PE teachers gave me dirty looks when my run was slow. I had not run a mile in years and I  wanted to break that old stronghold of I can’t run a mile. Today I broke my mile record I fast jogged a 11min 18 second mile. It was a stretch for me stil but it’s progress. 
  5. Post a blog post once a week (I know I know, my bad)
    1. I love writing. It helps me center and refocus my thoughts. Blogging also is a way for me to express me self and eve if it’s a little scary that I may be judged I still want to be me and force my self to stay true to that, a blog is my way to do that. 
  6. Journal 3 days a week. 
    1. I hold nothing back when I journal. I lay it all out, every though as I think of it, all the emotions I feel everything that is on my mind I spill it out. I have kept a journal for 3 years, and how I journal is lie this it s basically like my letters to God/my journal just explaining everything I am feeling. I am one to not express my emotions so I make my self express them there, no matter if it’s wrong or right I let my self have that time to express it everything, then when I feel satisfied that I have purged my emotions I relax, and think of my end goals and how I can achieve them and remember whats important. For my it’s important to end with a knowledge of what is right and wrong. Even if I it means that I yell at God the whole entry then finally in the last two lines say, I know I’m wrong, forgive me and help me to get through this. None the less, journaling is important to me. I need it. 

Okay, so goal of this post was I wanted to explain to you why I want to work out. I know that the reasons I should work out are but honestly those have nothing to do with why I work out.
I work out because I HATE being fat. I have thought I was fat/been fat since I was in the 4th grade. I can think of countless times where I could find nothing to wear to school and just cried because I didn’t feel like I could look pretty. Now, don’t tell me that ‘Oh just being confident makes you pretty’ or any of that crap not that, that isn’t true confidence does make a girl (or boy) prettier in my opinion. But to me in my eyes. I want to look in the mirror and feel pretty. I wanna wear the pretty clothes and have them fit and not have muffin top, or back fat, or anything, I don’t want to put another cute piece of clothing back because it was too small. I want to wear a damn bikini and not worry about how I look. I love swimming and I can’t tell you the number of times I have said to no to the things I loved because I don’t feel comfortable. Honestly, its not so much that I give a crap about what people think its more that I would feel uncomfortable wearing that.
Also, not this is touchy, but I want to look good for my future husband. I get criticized for what I am about to say but you can’t change my mind here so just leave it. I want to be a healthy weight because I feel like I can never date (Court, I don’t believe in dating), get married if I am fat. How could I expect my future husband to be fit when I am not fit my self? Hippocratic if you ask me.
I saw this picture on Insta and it pissed me off…

If size does not matter then why is this picture not of two fat people? Why is this picture only a fat girl and a skinny guy? Why is the girl never the skinny one?
Now I’m not saying that loving a fat person is wrong. If you fall in love go with that no matter who he or she is and regardless of what they look like.
What I am saying is this if your shopping for a fararri, don’t pull up to the dealership in your 93′ dodge caravan with pealing paint. I think that if you want someone who looks their very best, you better look your very best.
Also, its  selfish to not take care of yourself when someone else cares for you. How would you feel if it was reversed do you want to watch your loved one eat them selves to an early grave, or diabetes, or high blood pressure?
That is my motivation in weight loss. I want to look my very best so that I can go fararri shopping.
I hope I am explaining this right if It comes off like I am telling you who to love, in anyway then I’m saying it wrong so relax. Also, not saying that looks are the only thing that are important , but there does need to be attraction for me personally.

I know that my motivation comes from all the wrong reason. I should be dieting and working out to be heathy and ya there is some of that there. But my really motivations is to go fararri shopping and to be able to wear shorts again, and go swimming in a bikini, and wear the pretty clothes, and have a butt like the girls on tumblr that wear short shorts.

All in all, find what works for you, what motivates you, and put in the effort to achieve that goal the right way. No crash diets or crazy work outs, those methods may for a little bit but long term, the weight always comes back.
Take the time, put in the effort. You deserve it. That yellow polkadot bikini and those shorts are waiting.

Thanks for reading.
Feel free to comment on yout thoughts.

Love you!