Letting a Dream Go

For a long time now, Law School has been my dream, not so much being a lawyer but earning that law degree. I have for a long time felt very strongly in my heart that my purpose was to be someone that helped others in the name of the Lord. That has been the ultimate goal.

Some of you don’t know this but U of I was not my first time to law school. I had already completed the first year at another school in Ohio. After that hellish first round I was academically dismissed for having under a 2.0 GPA. I was destroyed by this. I was left floundering. After trying and hating paralegal school I realized I needed to give law school another chance. The dream still burned in me. So with borrowed strength, I applied and got in to U of I, but I had to redo my first year. I did it. I moved to Moscow ID and found a place it all sort of fell together and I started law school again.

This past year has been hard. Lots of stress, lots of reading and knowing that I was  doing it all a second time hurt but none the less I gave it all I had, and prayed. Lord, if this is your will then some how let me earn the grades I need. I was seeking help from Disability support serviced too, so that helped a bit.

Well, here I stand at the end of that first year without the grades I need to stay. It’s a devastating blow. I have had to accept that not every career is for everyone who wants that career. I need to stop trying to shove a circle in a square. Me being the circle and law school being the square.

Is it because I was not getting proper accommodations, I don’t think so. I think I was doin all I could be doing to get the accommodation I knew I needed. Could there have been something I needed and did not get, of course. But with my disability, Its impossible to test for the differences in my brain as compared to a normal persons. Therefore its kinda impossible to treat those difference, or even accommodate for them.

Now, It should also be noted that I was close and could have appealed the decision to kick me out. But I choose not to. I feel like my time in law school is done. I’m done fighting that battle. I don’t wanna move forward with law school even if I could.

It’s time to let the dream go.

Where does God fit in all this? Well, he fits on the top as he always had. I don’t know his plans. I don’t know why he let me in to law school just to be kicked again. But I have faith that this is all part of his plan. Which is greater than my plans. I still serve the all mighty. I will still find a career that helps people, in the name of the Lord. I just don’t know what that looks like yet.

Is this hard? Of course. It’s hard and uncomfortable and embarrassing but none of that should matter. What matters is I am still standing, still pressing in and still going for it. Whatever it maybe.

IT’s time to move on.

Lord, may your will be done. I choose to serve you.