Spring 2018

Well its week four of Spring 2018 and things are so different than this time Fall 2017 semester. Last semester I stared to lose it in week 4, the novelty of the new semester had warn off and I was just tired, in desperate need of a break. The goal is a marathon not a sprint, this time. Though some days feel like a sprint, but that’s okay.

As you all may or may not know I work with the schools disabilities program to navigate my cognitive disabilities. After last semester, we decided to re-do my accommodations in search for what may work better for me. There is no cure to the combo ADHD, Anxiety, and Aspergers. There is not even a common remedy for it. There is only coping remedies that me and Disabilities are constantly working on and trying to see what works for me.

So, to deepen my understanding of the material we are trying audiobooks, for all my textbooks. We are doing a few other things but this is the main change.

I wish I had the words to describe what its like to have the burden of reading taken away and just have the material pouring in to my brain. Now, I am not an auditory learner, but I’m also not a strong reader either, and we needed a way that was strong to get the information in to my brain this is what we came up with. It reduced the burden of trying to read the big words that I don’t recognize but know the meaning of. My vocabulary has always been large… but my reading vocabulary, or words I recognize I very small. Sure I can tell you how diveristy jurisdiction plays a role in supplemental jurisdiction in conversation, but can I can’t read that and decipher what those mashings of letters mean in the fraction of a second before I’m on to the next word? No.

It’s like door had been opened and all this material is just out there waiting to be read, or listened to. All I wanna do is have books read to me and hear what they have to say and not focus on how they are written.

The change in my understanding of the material is ridiculous as well. I am participating more in classes, I’m capable of writing my own briefs (I was relying on internet briefs… ) and I’m following whats happening in classes. I no longer sit there bored and confused. Now I sit there itching to ask the questions I have after reading and eager to talk about the new concepts I have read about.

My goal is .30 better GPA this semester than last semester. That’s a lot I know. But I’m the kid that dreams big. In fact when I saw an elephant in person for the first time my reaction was not “Wow, look how big it is,” my reaction was “Wow, I thought it would be bigger.” If you’re not going to shoot for the very best why play the game? If you’re not going to push yourself to the breaking point to see how far you can really go, then why try at all?

I refuse to live in fear of failure, I live in fear of not trying your gosh darn best and having regrets.

Cheers, Spring 2018. May you be filled with learning opportunities and overcome obstacles.

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Song That Hold Memories II

We Can Make the World Stop  – The Glitch Mob:
With in the first 1/10th of a second of this song I am thrown back to 2013. The memory I am thrown in to is me sitting in the new economics lab, alone, feet on the desk sitting back in a chair smoking my e-cigarette. It was peach flavored nicotine juice that day. I can almost taste the sweet sour taste of the smoke.

When I moved from Ohio back to Spokane I decided to rid my self of the e-cigarettte, though at that time it had fallen to once every few months use. This song makes me miss the lethargic focus it made me feel. That calm and hunger free relaxation.

Vice’s are hard. I am a very addictive personality. I have to do everything all or nothing. For me that included drinking. Much to my demise, I can’t have just one. I have to have more and that’s not respecting alcohol. So I choose to be a die hard sober person. I don’t even like to be around people drinking. I don’t even trust myself yet though I am years sober.

I think seldomely, about picking up vaping again. Nicotine on my ADHD brain is like sinking in to a warm bathtub for your body. It fills it with a relaxation and dulls the racing thoughts to a humming. But again, I can’t do anything half way. Got to be all or nothing. So I choose nothing.

Thanks a lot Glitch Mob.

2017, That’s All Folks

I’m at a loss for words to describe 2017. It was certainly a year of learning to trust the Lord. I went from thinking my dreams of being a lawyer would never come to be, to being a 1L at University of Idaho. Lots of things happened in 2017 that were not the way I planned, but I guess thats what trusting God is all about. You have to give up how you think things should go for how God wants them to go. Always they are better his way anyway. Relinquishing control is not easy though. I think if I had to come up with a saying or something to describe 2017, it would be that “It’s not over yet.” Mostly referring to my dreams of being a lawyer. I was certain January 2017 that I was never get to law school. I thought that maybe it was time to come up with a plan B, for my life. God had other plans. Now I sit here anxious to start my second semester of law school.

In 2017…
I gained a best friend in my little sister, I was healthy, my fur babies were healthy, I went on a family vacation, and a best friend vacation with Madison. It was really a year of good things.

I remember walking in to my second grade classroom and it saying Welcome Class of 2010 (I ended up repeating 1st grade that year so I graduated in 2011). I though that seemed so far away, like it would never happen. Now, that date 8 years in the past. I feel older, but in other ways I still feel like that second grader in awe of the time passing.

2018, I wanna focus on the Lord. I wanna lift my hands in praise and do nothing but let him guide my steps.

Thank you Lord for 2017, and thank you in advanced for the greatness to come in 2018.